Pub. 5 2010-2011 Issue 2

July/August 2010 23 Extraordinary Service for Extraordinary Members. M Y SIX-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER was trying to explain to my four-year-old son that the personwho had been hand- ing out candy at the end of the meeting only had one kind, DumDums™. In her mind it was clear that the person’s candy jar contained only one kind of candy. The four-year-old, however, was trying to get her to understand that there were many different flavors of candy in the jar. Neither understood the other. As I listened, I knew what each of them meant and understood their in- tent to explain it to the other, but there was an obvious disconnect. As their voices and frustration elevated, I was not optimistic about how this would end. So after lettingmy children’s argu- ment play out to see if they could come to an understanding, I intervened. I explained to my daughter that when her brother said that there were different kinds of candy, he really meant flavors. I then explained to my son that all of the candies in the jar were called Dum Dums™, but that there were different flavors. Soon un- derstanding began to take place and cooler heads prevailed. How often do we get caught living out the Dum Dum™ Paradox? How often do we seek to be heard and understood before we seek to listen and understand? To avoid the Dum Dum™ Paradox in our lives we have to make a sincere effort to listen and understand what others mean, not just what they say. In families, op- portunities for misunderstanding abound. In a family business this gets amplified many times over, with mis- understandings between generations being the most common. It is crucial for family business members to first seek to understand rather than be understood. Here are three remedies to keep your fam- ily from living out the Dum Dum™ Paradox: 1. Seek to understand others before you seek to be understood. 2. Remember the 2:1 ratio of ears to mouth. Replace a portion of your talking with an added measure of listening. 3. Keep perspective. Don’t make mi- nor issues major. Life will allow for plenty of experiences with major issues; we don’t need to create them. Learning these remedies is crucial to effective communications with fam- ily and co-workers. Don’t fall victim to the Dum Dum™ Paradox. It’s just not worth it! Z Communication: The Dum Dum TM Paradox Dave Specht , CFP ® ,University of Nebraska-Lincoln One warm Sunday afternoon on our way home from church I heard my kids arguing in the back seat. As I listened more closely to learn the root of the problem I heard what I now call the Dum Dum™ Paradox. Dave Specht, CFP ® is a lecturer in family business management at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and is a family business consultant. Specht has gained national attention as a speaker and for his creation of The Family Business Continuity Audit©. Contact Specht at davespecht@gmail.com , or visit www.davespecht.com.